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Astrologaster

by Andrea Boccadoro

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1.
Avis Allen 01:28
Here comes a lady querent, a little warily Her name is Avis Allen, what can her trouble be? 'Tis sure she is no beauty, 'tis true she lacks finesse But every awkward hero needs his awkward princess What is their relation? We are no longer sure. Seems Forman’s now the patient and Avis is the cure. Mistress Avis Allen, the love of Forman’s life. How futile ‘tis to fall for another man’s wife. Another consultation, will this one end in bed? Or will Mistress Allen slap him ‘round the head? Watch your lover Avis, watch her night and day. If a woman has your heart you cannot let her stray. Here comes Avis Allen, she must love Forman still Why else would she have come here? Mayhap she's gravely ill.
2.
Rich but not satisfied? Mayhap you have not tried This one weird trick for displaying your wealth: Buy herbs and confections to boost your complexion And pass idle hours tending to your health. Beware conspirations, plots and machinations The schemes of Big Physick to sell you their wares! Their cures do us violence but they call it science They mock our beliefs and belittle our fears. Perils await ‘mongst the food on your plate Are you verily sure that your dinner is "clean"? At meals you explain how food causes you pain But your friends and relations are verily mean! Prithee take care, for say did you hear What the Countess of Devonshire says about peas? They corrupt your humours, and cause cancer tumours So doubtless they're causing your current disease. When you are shook by something in a book Where it says that you might have some rare malady See Doctor Forman, be sure to inform him You have it on very good authority!
3.
Alice Blague 01:36
Though she never went to school And she's kind and never cruel Do not take Alice for a fool Alice Blague, she is no fool. Alice Blague, she likes a drink She does care not what you think Her head may end up down the sink But Alice cares not what you think. Alice Blague, she feels no shame And, forsooth, is she to blame? If we were her, we'd do the same Alice Blague, she feels no shame. Alice Blague is on the make Mayhap even on the take Could it be for her family's sake? Seriously, give her a break Since Blague left Alice in the lurch For solutions she does search 'Tis true she's now bedded half the Church But Blague left Alice in the lurch Alice Blague, she is a wife 'Tis one way to live a life Oft with misfortune and with strife 'Specially if you be Blague's wife. Alice Blague has suffered woe Life has brought her very low Mayhap there be some solution though Read the stars and we shall know.
4.
Mary Payne 02:10
Mary Payne is frighted when she spies a looking glass For 'tis a portal out through whence the gates of hell do blast a deadly and foul wind that comes direct from Satan's fa la la la la la Wench, be sure to marry lest ye be branded a witch If Mary sees you keeping cats, against you she will snitch Beware of Mistress Mary Payne, she is a nosy fa la la la la la Though our hero Simon Forman's not a Catholic He disapproves of Mary for her views - they make him sick But pray he does not tell her lest she punch him in the fa la la la la la If you try to argue with her you will have no luck She'll twist and turn your logic 'til your reason comes unstuck Chastise Mary all you like - she will not give a fa la la la la la Mary oft takes her young niece to the cock-fighting pits She prefers a hanging though, she readily admits Viewed after drinking turnip wine until she's off her fa la la la la la 'Tis well to jest at Mary Payne, 'tis well to sneer and mock Until her views become the norm - then 'twill be quite a shock But for now let's laugh at her and how her niece loves fa la la la la la
5.
Who's this man at the door who we've not seen before? ‘Tis Ferraro Who is come to enquire dressed in such strange attire? ‘Tis Ferraro Signor Ferraro! When the querent does rock a continental frock, ‘tis Ferraro When his Italian flair features odd facial hair, ‘tis Ferraro Signor Ferraro! When the symptoms are rare and the questions are queer, ‘tis Ferraro When the maladies are rather strange and bizarre, ‘tis Ferraro Signor Ferraro! When it feels like a play, an Italian cliché, ‘tis Ferraro When the words froth and flow like a cheap Prosecco, ‘tis Ferraro Signor Ferraro! When the story seems bold, crucial facts left untold, ‘tis Ferraro When Forman protests he feels put to the test, ‘tis Ferraro Signor Ferraro!
6.
Here comes a beauty dark as night Her hair does shine, her eyes are bright A damsel formed for man’s delight O she is quite a lady Why does this lady feel confined? Mayhap the world is too unkind? Nay doctor, medicate her mind Pray cure this comely lady Here comes a literary mind One such as we do rarely find Just needs a man to be behind For she is but a lady This woman has a gift for words If only she had writ these words They'd prob'ly be much better words Though written by a lady Her eyes are nothing like the sun If snow be white, her breasts are dun And that is our description done For she is but a lady Why must this wench act so distressed? Mayhap she can't abide a jest Nor welcome love when 'tis professed What an ungrateful lady
7.
Humphrey Bell! Who is this comely youth? Mayhap a little shy But pleasing to the eye His eyes, his hair, his shapely form, forsooth. Has he a sweetheart? Pray tell us the truth. Humphrey Bell! To play a leading dame You must pay the price Of looking thin and nice Drink of your fear! Feast on your guilt and shame! Lest you be judged and we accord you blame. Humphrey Bell! Art is its own reward For is it not enough To be by fans adored? For you, we sigh, we weep, we drool and swoon When we see you entering the room Humphrey Bell! You must not take so ill For though your beauty does fade We do adore you still Our eyes so wide! Our thoughts so unrefined! At the sight of your shapely behind Humphrey Bell! Your time upon the stage Grows nearer to its end As you advance in age But hold! No tears! Calm down! Resign your fears! You're just too old to earn a living wage. Humphrey Bell! Our thoughts we must disclose Though your acting is fine You have too many clothes ‘Tis hot! Pray bide! Fuss not! Sit down! Recline! Upon this couch and take a little wine
8.
Glory, glory to the lord - the Lord Archbishop Whitgift Glory to the lord in the highest… position in the Church (except for the Queen) Glory to the lord of lords - the Lord Archbishop Whitgift Rejoice, rejoice in the lamb! The lamb served by the Archbishop To his guests for dinner at his palace in Lambeth. Rejoice, rejoice in the lamb! And beef and pork and swan pie. Praise him, praise be to the lord - the Lord Archbishop Whitgift And thereby may he deliver unto us his eternal grace and favour Praise him, praise be to the lord - our Lord Archbishop Whitgift Fear him! Sinners fear the lord - our Lord Archbishop Whitgift Ye priests who have brought scandal and shame upon the Church. Fear him! Sinners fear the lord - your Lord Archbishop Whitgift Save us! Save us almighty lord Save us from the wrath of God Upon us he has wrought His vengeance: Pestilence and death across the land O lord, have a word with God (Forsooth is that not your job?)
9.
Sybil Fortescue Always has what’s new Far ahead of her friends She oft gets her hands On goods from foreign lands That Captain Fortescue sends Sybil's a fine host Of this she will oft boast She loves to entertain Though hard she does try Her dinners go awry Ending in tears and shame Sybil is not blessed For when she tries her best 'Tis then she does her worst From being over-dressed To poisoning her guests Ambitions are her curse An explorer's wife Cannot share his life She is left all alone Whilst he is at sea In a way, so's she Going overboard at home From a rich lady What is charity But a necessary ruse? 'Tis the job of wives To draw away our eyes From how riches are accrued All this energy For dinners and parties That never go to plan Say, can you conceive Of what could be achieved If Sybil Fortescue were a man?
10.
Who is this man who has earned such acclaim? Lately returned from his conquests in Spain The streets of London resound with his fame Robert Devereux, the second Earl of Essex - that is his name. Robert Lord Devereux's a rising star Dashing and debonair, he will go far All London greets him with cries of "huzzah!" In truth we cannot overstate how smitten with this young man we are. What does it matter if errors he makes Let others mend all the things Essex breaks A lord has much to gain from risks he takes Commoners may pay but noble men do only "grow" and "learn" from their mistakes. Favoured is Essex, and close to the Crown Nobles like him do fail up more than down Families too grand to fail, too rich to jail But if Essex disobeys the Queen again she'll put him in the ground. Here comes Lord Devereux, ready to fight Wild-eyed and restless - he's been up all night He may not know much but he knows that he's right Never underestimate a mediocre man in fancy tights.
11.
A murdering 00:47
A-murdering would those doctors come A-murdering one fine day? Those doctors - will they slay Forman Or will they send him to jail? Whilst doctors against him do make war He makes love without a care 'Tis true Avis is not his by law But in love and war all's fair.
12.
Almighty God Watch o'er thy servant Thomas Blague He whom thou hast not blessed (or bless'd) With sense and wisdom Almighty God Lead thy servant Thomas Blague Away from sin and temptation Lest his wife does him an evil Almighty God Guide thy servant Thomas Blague Reach forth thy gracious hand And slap sense into him Almighty God Shelter thy servant Thomas Blague Take him in thy merciful arms And shake sense into him Almighty God Redeem thy servant Thomas Blague For thy eternal grace and mercy Is not shared by his wife
13.
Emma Sharpe 03:01
Here comes little Emma, a shy and comely maid All men who meet sweet Emma wish to come to her aid Timid as a little bird Frightened by an unkind word Be gentle with Emma, for she seems full afraid Here comes lovely Emma – so kind-hearted is she To the frail and aged she offers sympathy Worries she for others’ health ‘Specially when they're born of wealth Here comes lovely Emma, a kind-hearted is she Alas for little Emma. Such sorrow she has born. Since she was made a widow, she has much to mourn. ‘Tis vexing, tis trying When husbands be dying Alas for Lady Emma, such sorrow she has born Here comes wealthy Emma. Some say she's a witch. How did she gain position? How did she become rich? For her rise she has to thank Frail old men with serious bank Here comes lucky Emma - aye verily, she’s rich Here comes crafty Emma. What does she ask for now? Many times a widow - 'tis needless to say how Despite her sins may she be saved She made the most of what God gave Here comes crafty Emma. What does she ask for now? Here comes an older Emma along with Humphrey Bell They have gotten married - 'tis going very well Humphrey Emma claims to love So who is there to get rid of? Here comes an older Emma with husband Humphrey Bell
14.
Lancelot Moore is of a great house Much does depend on his choice of spouse He must be wed to concentrate wealth No matter the cost to love and to health Here comes a son of noble birth Know you how much his father is worth? For such a boy advantage is bought Entitled to much, deserving of naught Lancelot Moore! Love be his passion Lacking in mind but fulsome in fashion Though unwise trysts do cause him much hurt He yet persists in chasing of skirt Lancelot Moore! Of noble Moore blood Much of it lately spilled in the mud Had some different choices been made Might Lancelot have been spared from the blade? Lancelot Moore, oft struck by the muse For his sonnets foul there be no excuse Many do wish to strike him as well And for his verse they damn him to hell Lancelot Moore is doubtless a fool Yet men of his class are destined to rule They tell us 'tis but the order of things As is the divine right of kings.
15.
Fap not Forman, thou art not alone For many querents thou hast known If one wench chooseth to forsake thee Find solace with another lady! Fap not! Fap not! Forman, fap no more. For thou art not alone. Weep not Forman, wipe away thy tears For you and Avis shared good years Waste no more hours on woe and shame 'Tis time to find someone to blame! Weep not! Weep not! Forman weep now more. Now find someone to blame.
16.
Long ago in England in 1592 There begins our tale, and all of it is true* Through all of London bubonic plague did spread Covering folk in weeping sores and leaving thousands dead From towns and cities, doctors they did flee Leaving their patients to die in misery But one brave doctor stayed when all the cowards fled (Might that have been because he was too sick to leave his bed?) Forman made a plague cure and used it on himself Then left his house to restore Londoners to health Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah! Simon Forman cured us of the plague 'Tis true some details are a little vague But we know he used astrology and doses of strong water So what if he be not a proper licensed doctor? But then the doctors started to come back And saw themselves replaced by a man they called a quack They said: "This man has no medical degree!" "He treats his patients with bad astrology" So Forman vowed to get his license and make the doubters see That he was now the best doctor in the city "I will pay no pay no heed," he said, "to those who scoff and laugh "For my satisfied patients will speak on my behalf" Simon Forman cured us of the plague 'Tis true some details are a little vague But we know he used astrology and doses of strong water So what if he be not a proper licensed doctor? Forman gained a license to everyone's surprise A true and proper doctor, at last legitimised But now he's risen up so far from whence he began Will we common folk still see Forman as our man? Simon Forman cured us of the plague 'Tis true some details are a little vague But we know he used astrology and doses of strong water So what if he was not a proper licensed doctor?

about

Astrologaster is a comedy game set in Shakespeare's London. Take on the role of 'Doctor' Simon Forman and treat his patients using astrology.

Available on the AppStore, Mac AppStore, Steam, Humble Bundle, itch.io and Kartridge.

credits

released June 26, 2019

Composer
Andrea Boccadoro

Song Lyrics
Katharine Neil

Music Supervisor
Emily Appleton Holley

Conductor
Benjamin Woodgates

Additional Orchestration and Music Preparation
Samuel Jones

Printing
Sze Ying Chan & Danny Ryan

Soprano
Emily Dickens

Alto
Ruth Kiang

Tenor
Benedict Hymas & Robin Bailey

Bass
Jimmy Holliday & Christopher Webb

Recorded, Mixed & Mastered at Air-Edel Recording Studios
Recorded, Mixed & Mastered by Nick Taylor
Assistant Engineer – Oliver Thompson
Vocal Editing – Nick Harding

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Nyamyam UK

Nyamyam is an independent game developer in the UK. With love and attention we strive to create beautifully crafted games.

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