1. |
Avis Allen
01:28
|
|||
Here comes a lady querent, a little warily
Her name is Avis Allen, what can her trouble be?
'Tis sure she is no beauty, 'tis true she lacks finesse
But every awkward hero needs his awkward princess
What is their relation? We are no longer sure.
Seems Forman’s now the patient and Avis is the cure.
Mistress Avis Allen, the love of Forman’s life.
How futile ‘tis to fall for another man’s wife.
Another consultation, will this one end in bed?
Or will Mistress Allen slap him ‘round the head?
Watch your lover Avis, watch her night and day.
If a woman has your heart you cannot let her stray.
Here comes Avis Allen, she must love Forman still
Why else would she have come here? Mayhap she's gravely ill.
|
||||
2. |
Nicholas Mugg
01:08
|
|||
Rich but not satisfied? Mayhap you have not tried
This one weird trick for displaying your wealth:
Buy herbs and confections to boost your complexion
And pass idle hours tending to your health.
Beware conspirations, plots and machinations
The schemes of Big Physick to sell you their wares!
Their cures do us violence but they call it science
They mock our beliefs and belittle our fears.
Perils await ‘mongst the food on your plate
Are you verily sure that your dinner is "clean"?
At meals you explain how food causes you pain
But your friends and relations are verily mean!
Prithee take care, for say did you hear
What the Countess of Devonshire says about peas?
They corrupt your humours, and cause cancer tumours
So doubtless they're causing your current disease.
When you are shook by something in a book
Where it says that you might have some rare malady
See Doctor Forman, be sure to inform him
You have it on very good authority!
|
||||
3. |
Alice Blague
01:36
|
|||
Though she never went to school
And she's kind and never cruel
Do not take Alice for a fool
Alice Blague, she is no fool.
Alice Blague, she likes a drink
She does care not what you think
Her head may end up down the sink
But Alice cares not what you think.
Alice Blague, she feels no shame
And, forsooth, is she to blame?
If we were her, we'd do the same
Alice Blague, she feels no shame.
Alice Blague is on the make
Mayhap even on the take
Could it be for her family's sake?
Seriously, give her a break
Since Blague left Alice in the lurch
For solutions she does search
'Tis true she's now bedded half the Church
But Blague left Alice in the lurch
Alice Blague, she is a wife
'Tis one way to live a life
Oft with misfortune and with strife
'Specially if you be Blague's wife.
Alice Blague has suffered woe
Life has brought her very low
Mayhap there be some solution though
Read the stars and we shall know.
|
||||
4. |
Mary Payne
02:10
|
|||
Mary Payne is frighted when she spies a looking glass
For 'tis a portal out through whence the gates of hell do blast
a deadly and foul wind that comes direct from Satan's fa la la la la la
Wench, be sure to marry lest ye be branded a witch
If Mary sees you keeping cats, against you she will snitch
Beware of Mistress Mary Payne, she is a nosy fa la la la la la
Though our hero Simon Forman's not a Catholic
He disapproves of Mary for her views - they make him sick
But pray he does not tell her lest she punch him in the fa la la la la la
If you try to argue with her you will have no luck
She'll twist and turn your logic 'til your reason comes unstuck
Chastise Mary all you like - she will not give a fa la la la la la
Mary oft takes her young niece to the cock-fighting pits
She prefers a hanging though, she readily admits
Viewed after drinking turnip wine until she's off her fa la la la la la
'Tis well to jest at Mary Payne, 'tis well to sneer and mock
Until her views become the norm - then 'twill be quite a shock
But for now let's laugh at her and how her niece loves fa la la la la la
|
||||
5. |
Riccardo Ferraro
01:43
|
|||
Who's this man at the door who we've not seen before? ‘Tis Ferraro
Who is come to enquire dressed in such strange attire? ‘Tis Ferraro
Signor Ferraro!
When the querent does rock a continental frock, ‘tis Ferraro
When his Italian flair features odd facial hair, ‘tis Ferraro
Signor Ferraro!
When the symptoms are rare and the questions are queer, ‘tis Ferraro
When the maladies are rather strange and bizarre, ‘tis Ferraro
Signor Ferraro!
When it feels like a play, an Italian cliché, ‘tis Ferraro
When the words froth and flow like a cheap Prosecco, ‘tis Ferraro
Signor Ferraro!
When the story seems bold, crucial facts left untold, ‘tis Ferraro
When Forman protests he feels put to the test, ‘tis Ferraro
Signor Ferraro!
|
||||
6. |
Emilia Lanier
02:12
|
|||
Here comes a beauty dark as night
Her hair does shine, her eyes are bright
A damsel formed for man’s delight
O she is quite a lady
Why does this lady feel confined?
Mayhap the world is too unkind?
Nay doctor, medicate her mind
Pray cure this comely lady
Here comes a literary mind
One such as we do rarely find
Just needs a man to be behind
For she is but a lady
This woman has a gift for words
If only she had writ these words
They'd prob'ly be much better words
Though written by a lady
Her eyes are nothing like the sun
If snow be white, her breasts are dun
And that is our description done
For she is but a lady
Why must this wench act so distressed?
Mayhap she can't abide a jest
Nor welcome love when 'tis professed
What an ungrateful lady
|
||||
7. |
Humphrey Bell
02:49
|
|||
Humphrey Bell! Who is this comely youth?
Mayhap a little shy
But pleasing to the eye
His eyes, his hair, his shapely form, forsooth.
Has he a sweetheart? Pray tell us the truth.
Humphrey Bell! To play a leading dame
You must pay the price
Of looking thin and nice
Drink of your fear! Feast on your guilt and shame!
Lest you be judged and we accord you blame.
Humphrey Bell! Art is its own reward
For is it not enough
To be by fans adored?
For you, we sigh, we weep, we drool and swoon
When we see you entering the room
Humphrey Bell! You must not take so ill
For though your beauty does fade
We do adore you still
Our eyes so wide! Our thoughts so unrefined!
At the sight of your shapely behind
Humphrey Bell! Your time upon the stage
Grows nearer to its end
As you advance in age
But hold! No tears! Calm down! Resign your fears!
You're just too old to earn a living wage.
Humphrey Bell! Our thoughts we must disclose
Though your acting is fine
You have too many clothes
‘Tis hot! Pray bide! Fuss not! Sit down! Recline!
Upon this couch and take a little wine
|
||||
8. |
John Whitgift
03:11
|
|||
Glory, glory to the lord
- the Lord Archbishop Whitgift
Glory to the lord in the highest…
position in the Church (except for the Queen)
Glory to the lord of lords
- the Lord Archbishop Whitgift
Rejoice, rejoice in the lamb!
The lamb served by the Archbishop
To his guests for dinner
at his palace in Lambeth.
Rejoice, rejoice in the lamb!
And beef and pork and swan pie.
Praise him, praise be to the lord
- the Lord Archbishop Whitgift
And thereby may he deliver
unto us his eternal grace and favour
Praise him, praise be to the lord
- our Lord Archbishop Whitgift
Fear him! Sinners fear the lord
- our Lord Archbishop Whitgift
Ye priests who have brought
scandal and shame upon the Church.
Fear him! Sinners fear the lord
- your Lord Archbishop Whitgift
Save us! Save us almighty lord
Save us from the wrath of God
Upon us he has wrought His vengeance:
Pestilence and death across the land
O lord, have a word with God
(Forsooth is that not your job?)
|
||||
9. |
Sybil Fortescue
02:26
|
|||
Sybil Fortescue
Always has what’s new
Far ahead of her friends
She oft gets her hands
On goods from foreign lands
That Captain Fortescue sends
Sybil's a fine host
Of this she will oft boast
She loves to entertain
Though hard she does try
Her dinners go awry
Ending in tears and shame
Sybil is not blessed
For when she tries her best
'Tis then she does her worst
From being over-dressed
To poisoning her guests
Ambitions are her curse
An explorer's wife
Cannot share his life
She is left all alone
Whilst he is at sea
In a way, so's she
Going overboard at home
From a rich lady
What is charity
But a necessary ruse?
'Tis the job of wives
To draw away our eyes
From how riches are accrued
All this energy
For dinners and parties
That never go to plan
Say, can you conceive
Of what could be achieved
If Sybil Fortescue were a man?
|
||||
10. |
Robert Devereux
02:06
|
|||
Who is this man who has earned such acclaim?
Lately returned from his conquests in Spain
The streets of London resound with his fame
Robert Devereux, the second Earl of Essex - that is his name.
Robert Lord Devereux's a rising star
Dashing and debonair, he will go far
All London greets him with cries of "huzzah!"
In truth we cannot overstate how smitten with this young man we are.
What does it matter if errors he makes
Let others mend all the things Essex breaks
A lord has much to gain from risks he takes
Commoners may pay but noble men do only "grow" and "learn" from their mistakes.
Favoured is Essex, and close to the Crown
Nobles like him do fail up more than down
Families too grand to fail, too rich to jail
But if Essex disobeys the Queen again she'll put him in the ground.
Here comes Lord Devereux, ready to fight
Wild-eyed and restless - he's been up all night
He may not know much but he knows that he's right
Never underestimate a mediocre man in fancy tights.
|
||||
11. |
A murdering
00:47
|
|||
A-murdering would those doctors come
A-murdering one fine day?
Those doctors - will they slay Forman
Or will they send him to jail?
Whilst doctors against him do make war
He makes love without a care
'Tis true Avis is not his by law
But in love and war all's fair.
|
||||
12. |
Thomas Blague
02:04
|
|||
Almighty God
Watch o'er thy servant Thomas Blague
He whom thou hast not blessed (or bless'd)
With sense and wisdom
Almighty God
Lead thy servant Thomas Blague
Away from sin and temptation
Lest his wife does him an evil
Almighty God
Guide thy servant Thomas Blague
Reach forth thy gracious hand
And slap sense into him
Almighty God
Shelter thy servant Thomas Blague
Take him in thy merciful arms
And shake sense into him
Almighty God
Redeem thy servant Thomas Blague
For thy eternal grace and mercy
Is not shared by his wife
|
||||
13. |
Emma Sharpe
03:01
|
|||
Here comes little Emma, a shy and comely maid
All men who meet sweet Emma wish to come to her aid
Timid as a little bird
Frightened by an unkind word
Be gentle with Emma, for she seems full afraid
Here comes lovely Emma – so kind-hearted is she
To the frail and aged she offers sympathy
Worries she for others’ health
‘Specially when they're born of wealth
Here comes lovely Emma, a kind-hearted is she
Alas for little Emma. Such sorrow she has born.
Since she was made a widow, she has much to mourn.
‘Tis vexing, tis trying
When husbands be dying
Alas for Lady Emma, such sorrow she has born
Here comes wealthy Emma. Some say she's a witch.
How did she gain position? How did she become rich?
For her rise she has to thank
Frail old men with serious bank
Here comes lucky Emma - aye verily, she’s rich
Here comes crafty Emma. What does she ask for now?
Many times a widow - 'tis needless to say how
Despite her sins may she be saved
She made the most of what God gave
Here comes crafty Emma. What does she ask for now?
Here comes an older Emma along with Humphrey Bell
They have gotten married - 'tis going very well
Humphrey Emma claims to love
So who is there to get rid of?
Here comes an older Emma with husband Humphrey Bell
|
||||
14. |
Lancelot Moore
02:39
|
|||
Lancelot Moore is of a great house
Much does depend on his choice of spouse
He must be wed to concentrate wealth
No matter the cost to love and to health
Here comes a son of noble birth
Know you how much his father is worth?
For such a boy advantage is bought
Entitled to much, deserving of naught
Lancelot Moore! Love be his passion
Lacking in mind but fulsome in fashion
Though unwise trysts do cause him much hurt
He yet persists in chasing of skirt
Lancelot Moore! Of noble Moore blood
Much of it lately spilled in the mud
Had some different choices been made
Might Lancelot have been spared from the blade?
Lancelot Moore, oft struck by the muse
For his sonnets foul there be no excuse
Many do wish to strike him as well
And for his verse they damn him to hell
Lancelot Moore is doubtless a fool
Yet men of his class are destined to rule
They tell us 'tis but the order of things
As is the divine right of kings.
|
||||
15. |
Fap not, Forman
01:38
|
|||
Fap not Forman, thou art not alone
For many querents thou hast known
If one wench chooseth to forsake thee
Find solace with another lady!
Fap not! Fap not! Forman, fap no more. For thou art not alone.
Weep not Forman, wipe away thy tears
For you and Avis shared good years
Waste no more hours on woe and shame
'Tis time to find someone to blame!
Weep not! Weep not! Forman weep now more. Now find someone to blame.
|
||||
16. |
Astrologaster
03:16
|
|||
Long ago in England in 1592
There begins our tale, and all of it is true*
Through all of London bubonic plague did spread
Covering folk in weeping sores and leaving thousands dead
From towns and cities, doctors they did flee
Leaving their patients to die in misery
But one brave doctor stayed when all the cowards fled
(Might that have been because he was too sick to leave his bed?)
Forman made a plague cure and used it on himself
Then left his house to restore Londoners to health
Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!
Simon Forman cured us of the plague
'Tis true some details are a little vague
But we know he used astrology and doses of strong water
So what if he be not a proper licensed doctor?
But then the doctors started to come back
And saw themselves replaced by a man they called a quack
They said: "This man has no medical degree!"
"He treats his patients with bad astrology"
So Forman vowed to get his license and make the doubters see
That he was now the best doctor in the city
"I will pay no pay no heed," he said, "to those who scoff and laugh
"For my satisfied patients will speak on my behalf"
Simon Forman cured us of the plague
'Tis true some details are a little vague
But we know he used astrology and doses of strong water
So what if he be not a proper licensed doctor?
Forman gained a license to everyone's surprise
A true and proper doctor, at last legitimised
But now he's risen up so far from whence he began
Will we common folk still see Forman as our man?
Simon Forman cured us of the plague
'Tis true some details are a little vague
But we know he used astrology and doses of strong water
So what if he was not a proper licensed doctor?
|
Nyamyam UK
Nyamyam is an independent game developer in the UK. With love and attention we strive to create beautifully crafted games.
Streaming and Download help
If you like Astrologaster, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp